Understanding The Guests of Toni Talks with Dr. Randy Dellosa | Toni Gonzaga
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pero ako naman sa almost magti-three years na ginagawa namin ng Tony Talks
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iba rin pala yung difference if you're a life coach, therapist, psychologist
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kasi parang pag mas may kaalaman ka sa pakikinig sa pinagdadaanan ng isang tao
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more than the sympathy, the compassion, and the empathy
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parang mas napaprocess mo yung naririnig mong story
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kasi minsan may mga story ang bibit-bitin mo hanggang sa umuwi ka
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tapos minsan parang feeling mo yung problema nila, problema mo na rin
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kaya naman ngayong araw
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napaka-espesyal ng araw na ito dahil reunion namin
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2005 nung una ko siyang na-meet
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siya ang resident psychologist ng Pinoy Big Brother
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si Dr. Randy De Leosa
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Thank you very much for inviting me
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This is a privilege
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No, thank you, Dok
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And you know it's really true because even I watch some of your shows
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and nakaka-stress-relieve talaga
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So meron kaming mga napiling episode na feeling namin mas maganda kung ma-dissect
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at ma-analyze ng totoong may kaalaman
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Ano ba ang difference ng life coach, psychiatrist, psychologist?
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Yes, it's good for people to know this
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Unang-una, yung psychiatrist is really a medical doctor
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So dumaan siya sa medical studies, naging doktor siya
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and then nag-specialize siya sa mental disorders
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So ito na yung psychiatrist
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They usually work in hospitals
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Yung psychologist naman, usually a PhD
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Nag-aral siya sa university, naging PhD, and then
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pwede siyang maging psychotherapist
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So, you know, taga-tulong sa mga taong may problema
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or they do psychological testing
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Pero hindi sila pwede magbigay ng medicine
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Ah, ang nagbibigay ng medicine, psychiatrist
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Ang life coach naman is a person who is not a psychologist
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Pero meron siyang desire na makatulong sa iba
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and they say, oh, I don't like to study everything
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Go to a university to become a PhD
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I just want to focus on helping people
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Parang counselor, pero trained
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So ganito po yun, Dok
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Dahil siyempre, nung pandemic
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Talagang grabe na yung mental health ng lahat ng tao
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Tsaka ngayon, sa panahon ngayon, uso na ang mental health awareness
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So kung may pinagdadaanan sila, sino ang lalapitan nila?
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Or depende yan sa gravity ng sewasyon?
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Meron tayong hierarchy
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Ah, yan na. So dapat pala malaman natin
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Unang-una, siyempre mga kaibigan, di ba?
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I-treat out lang natin, di ba?
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And then usually, for some people, after friends
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Baka they go to some religious or spiritual person from church
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And then kung hindi naman kayo ng church worker
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Usually that's where they look for
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When they look for a psychologist or psychiatrist
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Kung parang medyo mabigat na
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Ang mga symptoms ng ganun
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Yeah, this is good also for the viewers to know
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For example, kung hirap kayong makatulog
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Or parang walang motivation
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Walang physical energy
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Parang wala ng sense of enjoyment
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Puro nega yung emotions
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Nakakaisip ng sakta ng sarili
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So, you know, if you put them all together
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It's a major depression
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Yun ang kailangan ng professional health
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Kailangan ng professional health
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I think it's better to go to a psychiatrist
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Kasi bibigyan na ng medicine
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And people get well, ah, very quickly
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With the right treatment
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Medicine, talk therapy
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They get well right away
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I have something to say
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Actually, you are a natural life coach
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Ang nakasinto lang kong nga naman naging life coach na
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Kasi, you know, one of the skills of life coaching
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And you know, when I watch you on TV
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You can connect with the person
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You can empathize
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You ask the right questions
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That's the hallmark of mga natural life coaches
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Okay, so, simulan natin sa isang episode
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Na ida-dissect ni Doc Randy
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Punta kami ng hotel
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Ang gusto nga yun
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Hindi ko alam nakaset up na pala yung plano niya
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Basta galingan mo na lang anak
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So, malinaw sa'yo lahat na nangyari nung gabing yan?
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Kasi parang nasa isip po nun
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Gusto ko na matapos na, tumatapos na
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Paano ang nagiging psychological effect nun sa isang bata
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Na dumaan sa ganung klaseng abuse?
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First of all, Tony
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You know, that this happened
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Kasi think of our childhood naman
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At 13, of course, we're just very innocent
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And you know, if we know anything about sex
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Usually, they're from classmates
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Pero we know that it's
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We know that it's really bad
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Pero ito ay ginawa ng mother
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So, obviously, this is a disturbed mother
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Pero parang so far, may reality show sila
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Na she's trying her best
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To become the mother to her kids
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And to not become yung nanay niya
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Yun sa mga anak niya
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Tinatry niyang itama
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That's very good that she does that
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Pero really, she has to still work on herself
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Kasi, you know what?
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When her child grows up
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There's a tendency, no?
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Either she becomes something like her mother
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Or she becomes totally opposite like her mother
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And any extremes is not good parenting
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So, she has to heal first
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So that she can be a better mother for her own child
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So, ang suggestion niyo para kay Papi and kay Paye
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Kasi ang first na nakapanakit sa kanila
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Ay magulang nila eh
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At saka yung first na nag-break ng trust nila
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They have to seek professional help
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She needs to be active in seeking help
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Because, you know
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She can work on it on herself
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But she can also ask help from others eh
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And then she can also be exposed to others
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Na nakaranas ng ganito
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And then she can realize
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Oh, I'm not alone
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These children were used as objects
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Disturbed yung both parents
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She has to talk about each of these traumas
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That happened to her
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For her own healing
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Magandang sinasabi ni Doc
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Kailangang i-unload lahat ng baggage
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Kasi as she goes through life
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Dala-dala niya yun
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Right, emotional baggage
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So, yun ang natutunan natin
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Because I came from a narcissistic household
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I learned quite recently na
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It's possible pala for narcissists
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To gather and exist in the same family
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And ang nangyayari with narcissists
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Is that they feel terrible about themselves
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They want everyone around them
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To feel terrible as well
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So, ang nangyayari in narcissistic households
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With narcissistic parents
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Pinubuli nila yung mga anak nila
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Sinasabihan na pangit ka, wala kang mararating
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For her personality
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She's very unique
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So, my take on that is that
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You never heard anything good from me
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You know, and I have these standards
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And you never reach it
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Why would you try to reach it?
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You go the opposite way
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If you can't live up to my standards
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As a parent, as a family
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You'll just fail if you try
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So, you go the other way
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And you might find more success pa
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She couldn't reach the convention
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Or the standard of her parents
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So, now she lives in a non-conventional way of living
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But there's also a personality factor there
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She is quite a person who lives on the edge
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She likes excitement
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And then she's a strong personality
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And that industry fit her
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Kasama din dun sa pag-uusap namin
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Yung validation na hinahanap niya
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Mula sa parents niya
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Nakita daw niya dito sa trabaho niya
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Anong yes and no daw?
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Yes superficially
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Acceptance by the people who like porn
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No, because the deeper needs
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Emotional needs aren't met
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Such as belonging
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And also, I think
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Part of going the other way
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Is also to spite her family
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Where she comes from
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Of course, there's also another side
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Yung side ng family niya
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Yung parents niya
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Kamusta ba talaga si Salome as a child?
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Bakit difficult siya rin siya?
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Bakit masyadong strong-willed?
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There are always two sides to a coin
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And we have to listen to both
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Ano yung root cause ng problema?
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Bakit naging ganito ang bata?
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Parents and family and Salome
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Bago makarating dun sa desisyon sa buhay
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Kung bakit ganito ang tinahap niyang landas
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You know, when I'm drunk
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I'm a very selfish human being
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Before, I used to treat girls as objects
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That's why wala talaga akong lasting relationships
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When I entered show business
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That's when I, siguro, let loose
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Lumaki ulo na parang
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I felt untouchable
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By doing that, I was hurting myself
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With Baron, I focus on something else
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I focus on, really, his personality type
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I know him to be a very impulsive person
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Because impulsive in the sense that
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He rides along with his emotions
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So he's very right-brained
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Tayo, we can be OC, logical
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Pero siya, he rides with his emotions
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He's a genius actor and I've told him that
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Pero what he really needs is ongoing support
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To help him manage intense emotions
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Kasi anything he thinks produces emotions eh
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And then he rides along with them
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So somebody has to be with him
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Particularly his wife
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To kind of, you know, make alalay
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Someone now has to support him
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In telling him what's right or wrong
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So nag-check-in ako sa Sogo
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Doon na ako naparaling
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Nakakarinig ako ng mga papatayin ka na namin
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Malinaw na boses?
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Oo, talagang totoo
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Yung cellphone ko, nagano ko sa speaker
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Pati yung speaker ng PB may lumalabas eh
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Papatayin na kayo, tingnan!
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Hanggang ngayon nakakalala ako
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Pero yung mga boses na narininig
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You talk about the mind
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Yung mind lives in the brain
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When a person takes shabu
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Ang nai-imbalance eh yung brain mismo
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Yung brain chemicals
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O di nagka-letse-letse yung brain chemicals
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Nagka-dopamine imbalance
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Eh talagang kalalabasan ng dopamine imbalance
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Is visual and auditory hallucinations
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Ah, so hallucination yun
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Hindi yung schizophrenia na
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Anong psychosis, Dok?
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Ang ibig sabihin ng psychosis ay
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Yung wala sa realidad
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Tuloy, nakakarinig ng mga bulong
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Nakakakita ng mga guni-guni
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And that's because yung hardware
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Yung brain mismo, yung brain chemicals
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Eh, nagka-imbalance
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Tuloy, yung software, yung mind
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Eh, syempre, mag-iba rin yung output
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Kasi in the spiritual sense
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Ang tawag nila dyan, naku, demonyo yan
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It's not from there
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It's actually from the drug-taking na
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Ah, so yun na yun yung
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When you're under influence talaga
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The guni-guni were running after him
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So he wanted to escape
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So he wanted to jump
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Kaya nagkaroon ng suicide
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So talagang domino effect
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Ang mga pinagdadaanan
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Yes, pero technically I don't know if it's really a suicide
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Or really an escape that could lead to death
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Talagang walang naidudulot na maganda
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Ang illegal substats sa utak ng tao
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Pero changed persona si Jobert ngayon
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Parang everything was looking good
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Tapos biglang hatak
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Siguro, I think there's a part of me na may hope na
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Baka hindi totoo, baka hindi ako
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Yung time na yun, nung nandun ako sa house
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Doon siya, all these thoughts
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Parang doon na siya talaga nagsinking na totoo to
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There's no way that you can retract this
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You cannot get back what you lost
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Tapos doon ako parang shocked, ang unfair
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I'll compare it ha, I'll contrast it
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Of course Salome is open
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This one is very private
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And then it was made open
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It's a betrayal of sorts
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Tama siya, she has to live with the pain everyday
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Feel it and then give it up to God
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There's no other way except to feel it
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Kesa naman i-suppress diba
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There are ways to sit with the pain
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One is really by talking about it
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One is by feeling, sensing the emotion
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Sometimes you have to distract yourself eh
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Kasi sometimes it gets too intense
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Tapos, kailan mo masasabing nag-heal ka na doon sa pain?
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When you can talk about it without emotional charge
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Healing is also growing from what happened
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So hindi mo lang ikuklose
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Dapat meron ka rin natutunan, na life lesson
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Forgiveness, Dok, paano yun?
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Nakakatulong ba yun sa healing?
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What I've learned from patients,
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Kusang nagpo-forgive sila on their own
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Meaning, if you're able to talk about it
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If you're able to express your anger, your sadness, your loss of control
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If you're able to accept what happened
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Kusang nagpo-forgive eh
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We never talk about forgiveness anymore
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Let's forgive at the right time when we're ready
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The more painful instance was when we lost our leadership in MEGA
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The more painful instance was when we lost our leadership in MEGA
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The more painful instance was when we lost our leadership in MEGA Manila
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The more painful instance was when we lost our leadership in MEGA Manila
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And I really took it to heart
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Parang dropping to number 2 was a rejection of my person
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Medyo nirelate ko sa pagkatao ko na parang, what am I here for? I'm a failure
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You took a talk therapy for 4 months
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Face all your demons, face all your shadows
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Wala, nawiwindang ka talaga eh
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Ang dami ng opinion diba?
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Parang ito, sasabihin ito, ito, sasabihin ito
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Until before you know it, you're lost
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Ano bang nangyayari sa talk therapy daw?
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Talk therapy, maraming klaseng talk therapy
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One is psychotherapy
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You know, wherein usually we go back to the past
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Para ma-deal yung emotional baggage
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Talk therapy is about emotional detox
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So it's like hingahan
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Ang Pinoy, kailangan ng hingahan eh
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Parang ventilation, we get it out
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Gumagaan yung pakiramdam natin
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That's what talk therapy is about
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However, I have to say, she's also very balanced
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So she's a leader with a heart
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And that's where she puts her personality, her efforts, her energy
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Siyempre, nung may nangyari, na-depress rin siya
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Nakatulong yung talk therapy and hopefully it made even her more balanced
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So after hearing all these stories, Doc
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What is one thing that you can share sa ating mga viewers
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Na baka yun din ang pinagdaanan nila
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O may pinagdaanan sila ngayon?
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Sa tagal ng pagiging psychiatrist ko, psychologist
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Pero you know, after listening to thousands of stories
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Yung mga short expressions, yun ang profound eh
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Acceptance, just accept it
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Rediscover yourself
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Reinvent your life
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These are things we hear all the time
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Pero these are the simple truths
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That after thousands I've heard
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Ayun pa rin ang truths na i-share ko
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Paano ka mag-heal sa iyong pain?
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You have to accept first of all that there's pain
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Rather than suppressing or denying or minimizing
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There are so many things happening to us and we don't understand
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Sa totoo lang, we don't have any control
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Sometimes we have to grasp onto something
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Perhaps higher than us
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Who is more in control
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And even if we don't understand, there might be some meaning to it all
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Yung iba, they say the universe
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Ako, I acknowledge God
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So I think isa yun sa mga nakakatulong
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And based dun sa mga nakausap ko din na mga tao
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Most of their stories na ang laki nang naging transformation ng buhay ni Liza
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Malaki din talaga yung nagagawa ng faith
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May I add one more?
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Yeah, also watching Tony Talks
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Because as a psychiatrist, I also get depressed
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Yes, and something that relieves me
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Besides, you know, what we've talked about
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Is really watching Tony Talks
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So if you're depressed, you also watch your own shows
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May mga episode ako na binabalik-balikan ko
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Kapag malungkot ako, tapos papanuuring ko to
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Ay hindi na ako malungkot kasi mas grabe yung pinagdaanan yan
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Naihiya akong malungkot
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So thank you, Doc, for helping us dissect our episodes
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Understanding more the journey of our guests
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And we are so grateful for people like you
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Who help us on many levels
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When it comes to dealing with our problems
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And yung mga challenges na pinagdadaanan natin here
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So ito talaga importante
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This is the battlefield
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Na kailangan nating ingatan
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Because everything talaga, aside from the physical
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Ito, malaking factor
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That can affect our overall well-being
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Is what's in here, what's in our mind
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But if you can't stop, what can you do?
