BUTI PA ANG ANAK NAMIN, KINUKUMUSTA NIYA! (PART 1) - TOP SECRETS with Raqi Terra (July 18, 2024)
00:30.0
Meron ka bang itinatagong sikreto, Kabisha?
00:35.6
Ito na ang pagkakataon mo para ibahagi ito sa amin dito sa Love Radio.
00:43.4
Kung gusto mong gumaan ang pakiramdam mo, ang bigat ng nararamdaman mo.
00:47.8
This is your program.
00:54.5
Meron na po tayong caller on the line.
01:03.3
Pwedeng malaman kung anong alias mo?
01:06.7
You can just call me po, Anne na lang po.
01:11.7
Taga saan si Anne?
01:13.3
Taga Baguio City po.
01:15.2
Uy, taga Baguio si Anne.
01:17.0
Alam mo ba na may Love Radio Baguio?
01:21.3
San ka malapit dyan?
01:23.2
Malapit ka ba sa ano?
01:24.8
Doon sa may multo?
01:27.0
Ay, medyo malayo po.
01:28.6
Pero malapit kami sa...
01:30.0
Love Radio Station po.
01:33.2
Nakabisita ka na ba doon?
01:38.3
Nag-OJT ka doon that?
01:39.5
I mean, nag-OJT ka doon before?
01:44.3
Ilang taon nang nakalipas yun?
01:47.4
Probably around four years ago po.
01:50.5
Uy, four years ago?
01:51.7
So, meaning bata-bata ka pa?
01:55.8
So, nasa early twenties ka ba?
02:01.5
Ready ka na ba mag-share ng iyong top secret?
02:04.5
Yes po. Of course po.
02:06.2
Alright. So, Anne ng Baguio.
02:10.6
I-share mo na ang iyong top secret.
02:14.6
Um, kasi po, Ms. Rocky, I'm already married and I already have a kid.
02:21.7
And, um, me and my husband is already in a, like, three years marriage po. Marriage life.
02:30.1
Um, nung bago po maging kami, we've been in a relationship for very long, like, around 13 years.
02:37.4
So, parang siya po yung childhood sweetheart ko.
02:40.5
And our relationship back then was really, like, masaya, sobrang saya.
02:45.3
But when we got married and we had our kid, everything changed po na we became distant, we became cold.
02:54.7
Like, lahat po ng okasyon when it comes to our relationship was no longer.
03:01.9
To the point that it was, there's no special day for us already.
03:07.5
Um, and sometimes I could, uh, I could tell that meron po kasi akong anxiety.
03:14.9
So, most of the time, if ever that I feel sad or I feel something that I need to share to him, of course, kasi siya naman po yung asawa ko.
03:26.9
Uh, binibring up ko sa kanya yun.
03:29.8
Because I could say na narcissist po siya.
03:34.5
Na every time I would reach out to him, lagi niyang sinasabi na, na nararamdaman mo lang yan, lilipas din yan.
03:43.3
So, I feel disconnected to him.
03:46.2
Pero since nga po, diba, naging mag-boyfriend kami for a very long time, there were times na nagbe-break po kami.
03:53.8
And we would have our own, parang nagkakaroon kami ng different relationship.
03:59.3
Ipo ko ng ex-boyfriend dati dyan sa Baguio.
04:02.9
Kanina, pinag-uusapan yung engineer.
04:05.1
Engineer din yung ex ko.
04:10.0
Madinig pala ang mga engineer.
04:13.6
And then, after our, probably, our wedding, right, like, six months, nag-reach out po sa akin yung ex ko.
04:22.3
Through Instagram.
04:23.9
And then, he mentioned how sad he is.
04:28.8
Kasi, nalaman niya na kinasal na ako.
04:32.0
Me and my ex did not end in a good way.
04:35.5
Parang, we just decided that we just don't need to talk anymore.
04:40.8
And then, he told me, dun sa chat niya sa Instagram, that he's longing for me na magkabalikan kami.
04:48.8
And right now po kasi, me and my husband is really on a stage of this relationship na talagang,
05:00.3
Um, last week, I could remember.
05:03.3
Nag-away po kami dahil I told him about what I feel.
05:07.2
Sinabi ko po sa kanya na I'm not feeling comfortable and happy anymore because I really felt distant.
05:16.5
Um, LDR po kasi kami.
05:19.2
Ah, nasa ibang bansa po siya.
05:21.5
I know that, uh, that's, that's under, understandable na wala kaming, of course, walang physical touch and all.
05:29.5
The feeling of security and love, affection, and of course, appreciation.
05:35.5
Kasi, ako lang po mag-isa dito.
05:37.8
Ako lang umaasikasa sa anak ko and I have a full-time career now.
05:42.7
So, I got, uh, I get tired sometimes po.
05:45.3
Napapagod din ako.
05:46.7
And every time I would share my feelings to him, he would always say na, wala lang yan, lilipas.
05:53.1
So, from, from sa mga ganun pong practices niya, na lumalim.
05:58.9
And there was a time that I told him, I'm no longer in love with him.
06:04.6
And I don't know if this is, I, this is already beyond my control.
06:10.4
Napapanaginipan ko po lagi yung ex ko.
06:12.9
Like, as in lagi, like most of my dreams, every time na mananaginip ako, it's my ex.
06:19.8
Like, yung panaginip ko, I'm happy with him.
06:23.3
Um, we're, we're in a, you know, a happy relationship.
06:27.3
We have our own family.
06:29.5
And dumating din po sa time na me and my husband, we fought.
06:34.6
And then suddenly, we didn't, hindi po kami nag-usap for a week.
06:38.0
And that's not normal para sa married couple.
06:41.6
Hindi po mag-usap.
06:43.0
And I, and I felt that I was no longer important.
06:46.9
Like, I already felt na I was just a mom for her kid or, I don't know, yun na lang po.
06:54.1
And, um, my secret is that I started, um,
06:58.5
uh, installing dating apps on my phone.
07:03.1
Trying to find, uh, a person who could I, para makipag-usap.
07:09.2
Where I could share my, my what-ifs.
07:12.8
Where I could share, um, yung mga nararamdaman ko na I'm no longer happy.
07:18.8
But every time I would start talking to someone, I would feel that certain guilt na this is wrong.
07:27.4
And I have a kid.
07:28.7
And, of course, may daughter po ako eh.
07:31.8
So, I don't wanna have a family wherein my kid would have this mindset na,
07:36.5
is it my fault why my mom and dad got separated?
07:40.1
And I don't wanna have, I don't want her to think like that.
07:43.1
But, it's just that, right now, Miss Rocky, parang, I could tell there's no love anymore.
07:50.6
Like, me and my husband, I would say, I love you.
07:53.2
But it doesn't mean anything at all.
07:56.0
Um, mag-uusap kami through video.
07:58.7
Pinakamahaba na yung five minutes.
08:02.3
Like, he don't, hindi po siya na, hindi niya ko chinecheck.
08:05.8
But I know that he's not cheating.
08:08.3
Paano mo nalaman?
08:09.4
Paano mo naman nasabi?
08:11.8
Uh, I don't know if this is cringy, pero ano po kasi, I have an access to his Facebook account.
08:18.3
And I'm living with his parents po kasi right now, currently in their house.
08:24.4
And mahal na mahal po niya anak namin.
08:27.1
He always say na,
08:28.2
I'll never do this because I want my kid to have, uh, you know, a happy family.
08:34.1
And hindi ko rin po alam kung mali yung pakiramdam na nagsiselos ako sa anak ko.
08:39.9
Kasi, lagi na lang yung anak ko yung tinatanong niya.
08:44.5
Lagi na lang yung anak ko, kamusta siya?
08:47.5
And when I decided to go home to my parents' house,
08:50.8
hindi niya kami nakikita, hindi niya rin po nakakausap yung anak ko through my mother-in-law.
08:55.1
That's the time that he reached out po sa akin.
08:57.7
That he told me that, hey, let's, come on, let's, let's fix things.
09:01.7
But I'm no longer connected po.
09:04.0
And I didn't, I don't already have the trust para sabihin sa kanya.
09:09.3
Like, napagod na po ako all of a sudden.
09:11.5
Na parang paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa kanya na, we're not okay.
09:16.1
You and I are not okay.
09:17.6
Alam mo yan, sabi ko.
09:19.4
Walang mali, probably.
09:20.9
Walang, walang third party.
09:22.6
It's just that we're no longer connected with each other emotionally.
09:27.7
And lagi niya pong sinisisi sa akin kasi daw po hindi ko pinapahalagahan yung effort niya.
09:34.5
Yung talagang minamanipulate niya po yung nararamdaman ko to make things na fault ko siya.
09:42.8
And right now po kasi, I'm chatting or I'm messaging my ex.
09:49.6
Sa kanya po ako nag-event out.
09:51.9
Sinasabi ko sa kanya na, is this valid?
09:57.4
Itong nararamdaman ko na dapat sa'yo ako nagsasabi imbis sa kanya.
10:03.3
Pero kahit gusto kong magsabi sa asawa ko, it's just that I cannot get any response at all.
10:07.9
Kasi in-invalidate ng asawa mo yung feelings mo.
10:11.3
Yes, like all of the time po.
10:13.2
And ending, it's gonna be my fault because I felt that way.
10:17.5
So, medyo nahihirapan po ko.
10:20.1
And I already told my husband that I wanna let go.
10:23.7
It's just that me, I've been with the family.
10:28.2
Wala pong, hindi po ako broken family.
10:30.7
My mother-in-law and my father-in-law, they're intact.
10:34.1
So, parang sa part ko, ayokong bumitaw kasi okay naman lahat eh sa part nila.
10:40.7
But on my end, would I stay in a relationship that I'm no longer happy and connected with my husband?
10:48.2
Despite of me wanting to work it out, it's just that he's no longer cooperative.
10:54.1
So, I'm really confused.
10:56.3
And I really wanna know others' opinion because I wanna stop talking to my ex.
11:02.2
It's just that my cup is already full.
11:06.0
I don't know what to do.
11:07.1
I don't know where to go.
11:08.6
I don't have any friends at all because dahil nga po parang nagkaroon ako ng anxiety.
11:14.0
I withdrawed myself from everyone.
11:15.9
And I don't have the trust already to tell everyone that right now, I'm a mess.
11:23.4
Parang so, medyo nahihirapan.
11:26.3
Ako po ako na I'm waking up every day, I'm talking to my husband every day, sending him updates.
11:33.2
Pero hindi na siya yung parang nung kami, nung mag-boyfriend at mag-girlfriend kami.
11:38.1
He stopped doing efforts.
11:40.8
I don't, I cannot, I can no longer feel na pag sinabi niya I love you is that he meant it.
11:47.6
So, sobrang nasasaktan po ako.
11:49.6
Kaya medyo mahirap yung situation ko.
11:53.7
Napakahirap ng sitwasyon mo because
11:56.3
Una sa lahat, kasal ka sa taong to and alam mo sa sarili mo na sobrang minahal mo tong taong to dati.
12:04.0
It's just that hindi lang siya nakikipag-cooperate sa'yo para maging emotionally connected kayo once again.
12:10.0
Gusto kong malaman kung gano'n na kayo katagal hindi nagkikita ng asawa mo.
12:17.8
Three months po kasi umuwi po siya nung April.
12:21.1
And by the way po Miss Rocky, nung umuwi po siya, iniiyak ko sa kanya lahat.
12:26.3
Sabi ko, kasi feel ko, pag malayo kami, hindi niya nauunawaan.
12:29.9
So inantay ko yung time na umuwi siya, sinabi ko sa kanya.
12:34.1
And multiple times po yun, every time na umuwi siya, iniexplain ko sa kanya.
12:39.5
Alam mo yung parang gusto ko na kahit malayo ka, malapit yung loob ko sa'yo.
12:44.4
Na pagpagod na ako, gusto kong magsumbong.
12:47.8
Pag nahihirapan na ako, gusto kong sabihin sa'yo na saluhin mo naman ako.
12:51.8
Pwede bang ikaw naman?
12:53.7
But it doesn't, hindi po dumarating sa punta.
12:56.3
It always turns out na it's my fault.
13:00.3
Because I'm too vulnerable, probably, I'm too weak.
13:04.1
Kaya lagi niyang sinasabi sa'kin na it's my fault.
13:06.9
I should not feel this way because he's doing his part as a husband.
13:10.6
Pero sabi ko sa kanya, especially po sa akin, Miss Rocky, I'm an independent woman.
13:16.8
Nung nakakilala po kami ng husband ko, nakapag-aral po ako, nakapag-trabaho ako,
13:22.9
nakapag-abroad ako na mag-isa ko lang.
13:26.3
I never asked anyone's help.
13:28.1
So when it comes to material things, when it comes to money,
13:31.8
pag binigyan niya ako, probably gifts, yun siguro, pag nagsishow siya ng affection niya,
13:36.8
pag binigyan niya ako ng regalo, hindi siya ganun kabigat.
13:39.9
Kasi para po sa akin, kaya ko namang bilhin yun eh.
13:42.9
Kumbaga, hindi yun yung kailangan ko.
13:44.9
Ang kailangan ko, unawain mo yung nararamdaman ko na kailangan kita.
13:50.3
Malayo ka man, pero gusto kong maramdaman na mahal mo ko.
13:55.4
Gusto kong malaman kung nagsimula ba yung relationship ninyo na LDR kayo
14:01.1
or nung mag-asawa kayo, tsaka lang kayo naging mag-LDR?
14:06.1
Most of the time po, our relationship po kasi is LDR.
14:10.6
Pero nag-start po kami kasi high school pa lang ako, college siya.
14:13.9
Mag-asama po kami.
14:15.3
Pero nung nagkaroon na po siya ng career, nagkaroon na din po ako ng career,
14:18.3
ayun po, lagi na po kami magkalayo.
14:20.6
So pakiramdam mo, you are growing apart.
14:26.0
Really growing apart.
14:27.9
So sa ngayon, anong plano mo?
14:30.2
I mean, may bala ka ba na ituloy pa or mag-open up pa once more sa asawa mo
14:39.0
or hayaan na lang ang lahat ng to?
14:45.6
Bale po sa lahat ng options ni Siraki, parang nagawa ko na eh.
14:49.7
Kasi last week nag-away kami, in-open up ko sa kanya.
14:52.9
Yun nga po, hindi kami nag-usap ng one week eh.
14:55.4
Kasi parang sabi ko, tama na.
14:57.7
Enough na siguro yung pagpapaliwanag ko.
15:00.1
Kasi hindi lang minsan, hindi lang dalawang beses, hindi lang tatlong beses.
15:04.5
But I did my best to let him know how I feel.
15:07.9
It's just that, hindi niya, hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi niya maintindihan.
15:13.1
Siguro dahil may anak kami and I'm doing my best as a mom.
15:17.3
And he doesn't see anything at all na nagkakaroon ako ng flaws.
15:22.9
Nakakulangan sa anak ko.
15:23.9
Kaya siguro feel niya, okay ako.
15:27.7
Nag-ask ka na ba ng help sa in-laws mo?
15:35.9
Yun, kinumpihan nila yung anak nila.
15:38.3
And then, sinabi nila na, I need to fix myself.
15:42.2
And parang, I don't know Ms. Raki kasi I grew up in an environment where people invalidate how I feel.
15:52.9
So, most of the time, I tried to speak up.
15:56.4
It's just that, parang kailangan mo ata ng 100 times explanation bago nila malaman na I'm not okay.
16:03.2
And, yun nga po, parang na-disappoint ako lalo kasi.
16:08.2
Nung mag-boyfriend at mag-girlfriend kami ng asawa ko, he was not like that.
16:12.9
Parang, every time I would feel sad, I would feel incomplete, I would feel lonely.
16:20.1
He would always tell me that I'm here.
16:21.8
You don't need to worry.
16:24.7
But right now po, nung nagkaroon na kami ng anak, feel ko na secure siya eh.
16:29.2
Naging kampante siya.
16:30.8
Nagbigay ka na ba ng ultimatum sa kanya?
16:33.1
Like, kung ito, hindi tayo maging connected, goodbye na talaga.
16:38.1
Diba sabi mo nung nakaroon na nakikipaghiwalay ka na talaga sa kanya.
16:41.9
So, nagbigay ka na ng ultimatum na kapag ito, hindi ka pag gumawa ng paraan para intindihin to, unawain to.
16:48.1
Ako, hiwalay na tayo.
16:52.4
Yung last na pag-aaway namin.
16:54.3
Kaya naging okay kami ngayon.
16:56.3
Pero, hindi po ako nakakakita ng pagbabago.
17:00.1
And that really, ano, gives me a lot of pain.
17:04.0
Because, mantakin mo, one week po kami hindi mag-uusap.
17:08.6
I would decide to open myself again.
17:11.5
And then, akala ko, I would expect something from him.
17:15.1
I'm not expecting a lot.
17:16.9
But, little change would do.
17:19.2
Pero, wala po talaga eh.
17:21.8
So, ngayon, Anne, mula sa Baguio, pakiramdam ko maraming, marami kayong dapat pag-usapan ng ex mo.
17:35.7
Charot with harot.
17:38.2
Marami kayong unresolved issues ng asawa mo.
17:44.0
At, kung patuloy at patuloy na ini-invalidate ng asawa mo yung nararamdaman mo,
17:49.5
I don't think there will be a resurrection.
17:51.8
So, anyway, mamaya magbabalik tayong dalawa, ha?
17:57.2
So, puputulin ko muna to.
17:58.8
Magko-commercial break muna tayo.
18:00.6
At ikaw, Kabisho, na nakikinig ngayon.
18:02.1
Baka meron kang comment or may advice sa ating top secret sharer na si Anne.
18:08.2
So, abangan niyo po yan sa aking pagbabalik kasama niyo si DJ Rocky.
18:11.7
Dito lang yan sa 90.7 Law Radio.
18:16.7
Kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?
