Should You Still Have Kids Or Not? | Filipino | Rec•Create
00:29.5
Yeah, I do. I love kids.
00:32.1
When I was younger, I always thought, you know,
00:35.6
the biggest thing that I want to do in life is to be a good dad.
00:38.3
As corny as that is, that is really how I feel.
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That's always how I felt.
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I have a big family. I have five siblings.
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I just, I dream of having, like, a really big family.
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I could say na I was raised well by my parents.
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I was so loved by my parents.
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Tsaka they were so supportive.
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Supportive to me in every way.
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Somehow I want to replicate that.
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Initially, I was on the fence because I have an autoimmune disorder.
01:07.0
So I wasn't sure kung matutuloy yun.
01:09.3
And secondly, I was focusing on my career.
01:12.2
Kasi as an actor, may shelf life ka diba?
01:14.2
So parang by the age of like 35, parang
01:17.6
paano na yung roles, diba?
01:18.6
Puro mga tita, mom na yung roles.
01:20.6
I was really hoping to make the most of my youth.
01:23.7
I'm 34, and I started hosting parties,
01:28.1
children's parties at 17.
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And I will never forget the very first day I did it.
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I dressed up as the Red Ranger, Power Ranger.
01:34.9
I'm an actor, but I felt silly in that outfit.
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But when the kid, the kid was celebrating that birthday,
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saw me and was like,
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And immediately something clicked in my head like,
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okay, it just felt like,
01:50.0
okay, I can probably do this as a dad.
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From then on, that seed just kept growing.
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And then yung pandemic, ayun, siyempre, nabuntis.
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So, walang choice.
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And when it happened though, it was the best.
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It was the best miracle.
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It was the best unplanned baby.
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I see it as a fulfillment for me.
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And I see it as a sense of purpose in my life.
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I see parenthood as an essential thing
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or part of my life.
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The reason why I don't like to have my own kid,
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primarily because of the climate situation
02:26.5
that we are experiencing right now.
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I come from a broken family.
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As a psych major, I don't want to pass unresolved trauma.
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I know that it's me na magkakat ng vicious cycle of trauma.
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In that case, we can save a child
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na hindi niya ma-experience yung mga naranasan natin from the past.
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Doon ako napipressure sa point na
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pag in-open up ko yung topic na yun,
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ang lagi nilang sasabi sa akin is,
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magbabago pa yan?
02:53.0
Paano ka pag tumanda ka?
02:54.5
Sino magaalaga sa'yo?
02:56.4
Actually, it's something ironic.
02:58.1
I am good with kids.
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But deep down inside me,
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parang hindi ko makita for now yung self ko
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na magiging parent in the near future.
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I can consider kasi myself as the breadwinner of,
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at the same time, ng family.
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Dahil pinapaaral ko yung bunso kong kapatid.
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So, parang doon palang mama na ako ng kapatid ko.
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Feeling ko yung pagiging parent
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or pagiging mother is really not my interest talaga.
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It's more practical to not have kids.
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I would agree with that.
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Hindi mo iisipan when you're going out.
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Like, if you're going out on a date,
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kailangan, like, baby-friendly.
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Kailangan yung pagkain baby-friendly.
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Kailangan may highchair, may stroller.
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It's the most expensive thing you can do.
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Let's be honest, everybody.
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It's not buying a car.
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It's not buying a house.
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Here's a human being, you know?
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And I'm gonna put it through school.
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I'm gonna buy clothes.
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I'm gonna feed it.
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In the future, mahirap pa paraalan
03:53.1
because of the inflation.
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Kung mahal na nga na,
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mas magmamahal pa in the future.
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So, if we're only talking about practicality
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in terms of money, finances,
04:02.2
It's very practical to not have kids
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because we're all aware na overpopulated ang Philippines
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and then limited na yung mga resources natin.
04:11.0
Ang hirap nang ambuhayin nung sarili mo, eh.
04:13.7
Tapos magdadala ka pa ng isang human being
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na hindi siya basta-basta as a pet lang
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na pwede mong iwan sa parents mo
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or pwede mong iwan.
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If you don't have the capacity
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or if you don't have the ability
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to make the life of your child easier
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than your life now,
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I guess hindi talaga siya practical.
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Is it selfish to not have kids?
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I think it's not.
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No, I don't think so.
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I think yung decision of
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whether to have kids or not
04:44.6
is very personal and very subjective, no.
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Ang choice na not to have a kid,
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I see it as equally valid sa to have a child.
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I had so much anxiety about
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the world I was going to bring a child into, potentially.
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So yun yung main hesitation ko.
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I mean, who thought na we were gonna have
05:03.8
another war, nama, in the world?
05:05.7
In the pandemic, we didn't really expect it to happen, nama.
05:08.3
There's just so much to think about,
05:10.1
so I don't think it's selfish to
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want to think about yourself,
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to want to live your life without
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thinking about another person.
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Kasi hindi naman selfishness na
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piliin mo muna yung self mo for now.
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There's a lot more that you should discover about yourself.
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Feel ko magiging great parent ka
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kapag mas na-discover mo yung self mo
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and mas fulfilled ka
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kung ano ba yung career path na gusto mo for yourself.
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For me, uh, siguro nang galing siya
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kasi parang innate na pagbabae ka
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na parang ang purpose mo,
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ang end-of-life purpose mo is
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dapat may anak ka, dapat nanay ka.
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It has been drilled into our heads,
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not only through religion,
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and mostly through religion,
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that, you know, you have to go forth and multiply.
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Let's face it, it also comes from a place that
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you want someone to take care of you when you get older.
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I think yun yung notion here in the Philippines na
06:00.8
hala, paano ako pagtumanda?
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Sino mag-aalaga sa akin?
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Kailangan natin umalis dun sa ganong thinking
06:06.3
kasi una sa lahat, hindi naman retirement pa ng bata.
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Yung dad ko kasi, um, very traditional.
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So parang sinasabi niya,
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oh, kailangan magkapamilya kayo,
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kaya nagsisimba kayo,
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tapos dadalhin niyo yung mga anak niyo.
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Tapos parang cue niya,
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obligation talaga na magka-family.
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Diba, there's a lot of things that we can do now,
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and hindi tayo limited dun sa box na
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kailangan natin i-follow yung sa society na
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there's a norm na after mag-romadate, mag-awork ka.
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After ng work mo, mag-aasawa ka and mag-aanap.
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Dapat burahin natin sa isipan natin yung
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certain time frame, timeline na sinusunod ng marami.
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I think it's actually also selfless in a way
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to not bring another person into the world
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na kung hindi mo rin siya maaalagaan, diba,
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parang why, why, why subject this child to that, diba?
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We must remember that
06:58.3
there is no wrong choice in the question
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whether to have kids or not.
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But rather, what is wrong is
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believing to the idea that there is a right choice.
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Yes or no, you need to sacrifice a part of yourself to have kids?
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And I don't resent that.
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I don't take it against my child.
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Bringing the baby into the world,
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your baby really comes first.
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And it's a fact of life.
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It's a fact of motherhood, of parenthood.
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Once na nagka-anak ka na,
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a huge part of your life
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dapat ibigay mo sa anak mo.
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It's not just you anymore.
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It's a responsibility na kailangang panindigans.
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Binuhin mo sila, you know?
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It is your burden, actually.
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Even when you're in a relationship,
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you do sacrifice your me-time, right?
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For women, you know, because they have to be nursing.
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They have to be there all the time.
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But I did have moments, especially yung
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siguro yung mga first three months of postpartum na parang,
07:60.0
oh my God, ito na lang ba yung buhay ko?
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Parang magpapadadaday ka lang every two hours.
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So, parang, ay, hindi na ako nakaligo.
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I don't regret it.
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It's more of, mapapayisip ka talaga.
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Parang, is this it now?
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Siguro yun yung kailangang prepared ka emotionally.
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And bilang lalaki naman,
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siguro you should be a great provider.
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I'm not saying na dapat mas great provider
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ang lalaki compared sa babae.
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But, you know, yung stability ba
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na kaya mong i-provide sa bata.
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It doesn't scare me.
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Sacrificing a part of myself,
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it doesn't scare me.
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I'm scared of how it will change
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my relationship with my wife, right?
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Because there's a kid in the middle, right?
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The attention will have to go to the kid most of the time.
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The kid's the boss, right?
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Actually, parang pag nag-aanok ka,
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parang wala ka ng privacy,
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wala na yung, wala na yung mean niya.
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Parang, it's a completely different person na.
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I think it's not just partially, eh.
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It's 100% completely different na sa individual self mo
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compared sa pagiging mother self mo, eh.
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Siguro it depends.
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I feel like I'm not gonna have to sacrifice anything.
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I like a part of myself for my kids naman, eh.
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Kasi they're a part of me.
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I don't think it's actually a sacrifice.
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It's more on giving your love to someone
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and that's not a sacrifice at all.
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Eventually, the fog,
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the fog of motherhood kind of lifts
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and you realize na
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you still can do things for yourself.
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And yung mama guilt will eventually,
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you'll eventually get better at dealing with it.
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It's okay to love yourself
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and love your baby at the same time.
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Life would be more complete if you had children?
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I think that's relative.
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Completing your life.
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It's objective, isn't it?
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I see it as a fulfillment in my sense of purpose in life.
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Like, I've always envisioned myself to be a parent.
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It's a parang success siya sa akin.
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I don't think I need a child to feel complete.
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I just want one because I know I could do it
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and I know I would love that kid no matter what.
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For me, it did complete me as a person
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because I've always wanted to have kids.
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But for the people who choose not to have children,
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that's okay and any choice is valid.
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My gosh, they get to see the world.
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I don't because I have a child, diba?
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They get to do so many different things like
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live in different countries,
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just travel all over the world,
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not think about another baby
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and that doesn't make them any less complete.
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It's not a shame or you shouldn't feel guilty
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about not having a child.
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There are a lot of singles out there
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or they decided not to have child talaga
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and they still feel fulfilled in their life.
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The fulfillment of having the child or having a children,
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nakukuha ko siya with other people na nasa buhay ko ngayon.
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Like for example, I have a niece so ini-spoiled ko talaga siya.
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So parang yung fulfillment na maging mother material din ako
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for my niece pero not to the point na talaga akin siya.
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Kasi mas gusto ko yung nababalik ko.
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Yung pag kinakarga ko siya ng ilang minutes lang,
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gusto ko ibabalik ko na agad siya.
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Yung old-fashioned way of thinking lang as a woman,
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you need to have a baby to feel complete
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but I don't believe in that.
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And that's coming from a mother now, ha.
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Parang it just so happens na for me,
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my baby is my life.
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Like, yuk na iyak ako bigla.
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Ano yung kind of life do you imagine having
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if you were not to have kids?
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Sabi nung ate ko, she's a preschool teacher.
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Sabi niya, why not teach?
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Sabi niya, baka doon talaga yung calling mo.
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And I think I would do that in the future.
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Kasi by nurturing young minds, you empower them.
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I think yun yung mas makakapagbigay sa'yo ng fulfillment
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knowing na the knowledge that you've experienced
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in your lifetime will be passed on the next generation.
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I see myself na kasama yung partner ko
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as my companion in life.
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Nakikita ko lang na we are exploring the world together
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and at the same time,
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I really perceive myself na tutulong ako sa iba.
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Yung for example, sa mga kaibigan ko na may mga babies na
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if they need help, I want to be that kind of friend.
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So, sobrang dami na ng mga tao sa buhay ko
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na may mga anak, parang they are looking for someone
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na matatakbuhan in case na may kailangan sila.
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And I want to be that kind of person.
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Should it be more socially accepted to choose to not have kids?
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Absolutely, 100%.
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Let's base here on the context in the Philippines.
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I think hindi siya ganon ka-accepted,
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but we are progressively going to that path na
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mas nagiging open, ah.
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I know so many older people frown upon
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yung mga child-free couples,
12:50.6
but seriously guys, stop with the judgment, okay?
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I feel like it's being socially accepted naman now,
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especially in my generation.
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Don't fault people.
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Please, don't fault people for not wanting to have children.
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Just because you did it, doesn't mean they should.
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It should be socially accepted.
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Let's not judge people on what they want.
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Dapat wala tayong say sa decision nila.
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These are personal choices.
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We should not take it against these couples
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who don't want to have children
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because it's their choice
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and it doesn't affect your life, diba?
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Do whatever makes you happy.
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And if you feel like having kids would like
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hold you back from that,
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then don't do it.
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You shouldn't pressure yourself on having a child.
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I think you should embrace your solitude for now
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and figure out kung ano ba talaga yung calling nyo in your life.
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And in that sense,
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mas dun yung makahanap kung
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fit ba talaga kayo to be a parent or not.
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It's okay if you have your dreams,
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if you want to fulfill it first
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before thinking about anything else.
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And dun naman sa mga
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may gusto talagang magka-family,
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I believe it's also your choice
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and we respect that.
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Just spread more understanding
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and be the person that you want to see in this world.
14:12.1
Hello, everyone. My name is Reva Tadero.
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And I'm Saab Josea.
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And we are two out of the four cast members of Lungs
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that is happening right now
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as part of Sandbox Fest 2023.
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Lungs is a play about a young couple.
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Young, young pa tayo.
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A young couple that is deciding whether or not
14:33.1
to have a baby in this post-pandemic world.
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You know, with all of the bells and whistles
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and problems that we have in the current world.
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It is very relevant.
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It is one of those shows that really makes you question,
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really makes you think,
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and just gives you a warm hug
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that you are not alone.
14:57.1
And actually, Lungs is directed by the Kaisa Borromeo.
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The, yeah, the Kaisa Borromeo.
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And it's actually twin billing,
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or it's a double feature with Every Brilliant Thing,
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which is directed by the Jenny Hamora,
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starring Kaki Teodoro,
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who is joining us in a special Filipino translated staging
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of Every Brilliant Thing.
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So these shows will be running
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at the Zobel de Ayala Recital Hall
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at the Maybank Performing Arts Theater in BGC.
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Yeah, and will be running until July 15 only.
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So I really hope,
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we really hope you can support the shows,
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support local theater,
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and just support your fellow artists.
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Especially now that we're back after the pandemic.
15:44.2
So yes, the plague is over.
