People Share Their Advice on Being a Failure | Filipino | Rec•Create
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Hi, my name is Colin Amboy.
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I am Za, and I was a former 1990s pro-male kid
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and I totally failed at being that.
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Ako ay umasa sa parents ko for the last 20 years.
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A long time for me to be, depending on my parents.
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Yung big life failure ko was
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hindi ako nakagraduate alongside my friends.
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It has been experienced by me multiple times
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simula dun sa pagpaplano na makapasok sa UP
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and then staying in college for more than six years.
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Supposedly, sabay-sabay.
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Big deal siya to me kasi parang yun na yung feeling ko na
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sobrang napag-iwanan na ako.
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Wala na akong kasabay, wala na akong karamay.
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It's so painful and parang mental torture siya.
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Kasi you look at people, you look at your batchmates,
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passing yung subject na yun, tapos ako, bakit hindi ko kaya?
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It's really embarrassing.
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Ang laki-laki ko na, ang tanda-tanda ko na,
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humihingi pa ako ng tulong sa parents ko.
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There was always this expectation na nakakabit sa akin
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in everything that I would do,
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na parang nakakahiya.
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If hindi ko makuha lahat ng awards sa school,
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I considered myself a failure na.
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So, my question is,
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what was the defining factor na naging aware ka
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And what made you accept it?
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Kitang-kita ko eh.
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Putol yung kuryente, wala akong tubig,
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I had no stable job.
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All those things really pointed out and shouted out that fact.
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It was more like a process.
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Tapos, pahirap ng pahirap yung school.
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Doon ko na-realize na, oh my gosh, I'm falling behind.
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Maraming ups and downs yun eh.
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Maraming ako nabagsak, niretake.
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Hanggang sa nandun na ako sa dulo,
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tatapusin mo na lang, sinarahan pa ako ng pinto.
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What made me accept the failure, maybe I didn't.
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I was running away from the fact that all pointed out that,
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you know, hey, you have to do something about your life.
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And for the longest time, I ran away from them.
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For me to accept it is to look at it na binigay ko yung best ko,
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pero kung hindi pa yun yung best,
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para doon sa subject na yun, the next time, I'll do better.
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At the time, hindi ko actually na-accept siya.
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Kasi when you're at that point, parang sinasabi niya sa'yo na hindi ka bagay dito.
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Look at everyone else.
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Sila, tapos na sila, ano yun.
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Pero ikaw, hanggang dyan ka pa rin.
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It took me more than a decade para ma-accept ko na,
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you know, maybe these failures, they might be redirections or they might be lessons.
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As a psych major, I want to ask, how does failure affect your mental health?
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As I was getting more and more failing marks,
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medyo na-realize ko na, oh no, something might be wrong na rin with me.
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It took a long time, actually.
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Ang dami kong mga kinonsult, I got a lot of counseling,
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na-diagnose na nga ako, I had ADHD.
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That was kind of like a light bulb moment in my head na parang,
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oh wow, this must be one of the reasons kung bakit nagsastruggle ako to keep up.
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There was an incident in 2017 that I tried to commit suicide.
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Hindi siya dahil doon sa subject na yun.
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Ipatong-patong na kasi yung problems, yung failures, tapos parang nag-give in ako.
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I was not able to trust myself anymore.
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Doon ko naramdaman, doon ko naramdaman na my mental fortitude, yung paniniwala ko sa sarili ko is very weak.
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Parang isipin mo ikaw yung pinakakawawan tao sa mundo.
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Trailed ka talaga eh.
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Iisipin mo na yung susunod na time na magtatry ka, parang wala yan, di mo yung makakakamit.
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I was actually pretty resilient even back then.
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When I grew older,
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I learned other coping mechanisms.
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I also learned how to be in denial and not to look at reality square in the eye.
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Yes, it helped me cope but it's a bad way of coping kasi it made matters only worse.
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So, did you receive support from others during your failure?
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If so, how did their support contribute to your recovery and eventual success?
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Actually, this is the biggest thing.
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Sobrang binabalyo ko during those times kasi hindi ako iniwan ng mga kaibigan ko.
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There were always people who believed in me.
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They saw something in me that I couldn't see for the longest time.
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They kept me believing that I could bounce back and find myself.
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Parang just where I am right now is because of my friends.
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And it's also the realization na it could still get better, it's not the end.
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I did get a lot of support from family and friends.
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And I think that was a big factor din kung bakit.
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I was able to keep going.
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Even though my parents were occasionally disappointed in me,
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it came to a point na anak, as long as matapos mo, it's fine.
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May-repute ko dito yung financial support tsaka moral support ng mga tao sa university.
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Two months ako na 20 lang yung baon ko sa isang araw.
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So, during that time, may mga nag-ooffer ng foodstuff.
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Iba-iba pang free meals.
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Hindi ko sure kung paano sila naglitawan lahat during those time na kailangan ko.
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And it was all a matter of the circle of friends and family that you keep with you.
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How did you manage to bounce back to stay on your feet again and fight again?
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Para sa akin, introspection.
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Number one, try to look within. Tingnan mo kung saan ka exactly na nagkakamali.
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Try to figure out what else you can do, what you can do better.
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And just keep trying and trying and trying.
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Because if you never fail, it's as if you never try.
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In 2019, doon ako pumunta ng Amerika.
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Maybe this is my chance to make something for myself.
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I felt something that I haven't felt for my entire life.
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Which is to really work hard and be proud of what you do.
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It gave me a perspective of myself.
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Pwede pala akong maging ganito.
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And because of that, nakaipon ako. Nakabili ako ng bahay.
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And in a few months, I'm about to get married.
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Minsan alam ko na eh. Alam ko na kung magpe-fail.
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Or alam ko na kung ano yung best effort na kaya kong ibigay para mag-succeed sa isang bagay.
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Nakakutuban ko kung magpe-fail yung isang bagay na ginagawa ko.
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Meron akong preventive measures.
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O pinag-iisipan ko kay full planning in terms of dealing with those failures.
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And then standing up again to those failures.
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What if I try one thing and if I get good at it?
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So yun, I attempted to make my own YouTube channel.
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It was partly because, yun nga.
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Wala rin ako magawa sa oras ko.
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I don't know. It just made me feel good.
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Kasi yun yun eh. Parang, parang shit may ginagawa ako.
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May kapasidad pa pala ako.
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Hindi pala ako na-strip away of the things that defined who I am.
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Which was, I always thought I was a doer.
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And dun ko naramdaman na magbabounce back na ako.
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Magbabounce back pa lang.
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Does it still hurt knowing you failed? And how did you cope up with this?
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It's funny na lang looking back.
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Kasi nag-shift na rin naman ako completely dun sa parang my academics have to define me.
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Parang I am the sum of my life experiences.
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And all the lessons that I've learned.
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And all the people that I know.
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Sa akin hindi na masakit kasi I will know kung mag-fail ang isang ginagawa ko or no.
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Usually kasi ano, kapag may ginagawa ko, iniisip ko na kung ano yung mga pwedeng options, pwedeng mangyari.
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Pero naka-backup plan kung ano yung pwede kong gawin.
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Did it hurt that 20 years akong umasa sa parents ko?
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It's embarrassing.
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But the lessons that I've learned, daladala ko siya.
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They don't hurt anymore.
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Ang daming blessings despite all the failures.
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For context lang, so parang to build on my previous story.
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The school where I attended would put my face all over the school.
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Kasi ano ako dun parang academic achiever.
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Tapos marami akong extracurricular activities.
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And then nilagay ka sa college.
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Tapos everyone's important.
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Everyone's succeeding except you.
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I guess parang sobrang sakit lang talaga na achiever ka.
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And then suddenly, nothing ka.
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What is the one thing that you are most grateful for when you actually fail at some point of your life or career?
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Definitely the lessons.
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Every failure has a special lesson that it can teach us.
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And it's only from having experienced that, that you can move forward.
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Applying that lesson.
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There was this point nung nag-viral yung story ko.
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People are trying to message me.
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Nakikita ko sa live ko parang wala na akong pag-assign.
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Dahil sa story mo, nagkaroon ako ng konting hope.
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Grateful ako na my story has been really inspirational to others.
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Na hindi ko ine-expect yung mga tao na mas magkakaroon ng hope sa life nila.
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I am grateful for God.
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I'm also thankful for family and friends, yung fiance ko.
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And I'm thankful for all the failures that I've experienced so far.
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Because they've strengthened me to this point that this failure doesn't feel so painful.
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It doesn't sting as much.
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I'm really grateful for everything that has happened in my life so far.
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It's the opportunity to have even tried at all.
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The fact na natawid mo yung part na nasubukan mo, ibig sabihin may capacity ka talaga.
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The happiness that I got from the idea na kaya ko pala was so profound and so much.
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It was so enough for me to actually move on ulit sa buhay.
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What piece of advice would you like to give to someone who experienced failure?
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The advice that I can give is to never give up.
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Try to imagine yourself walking on that path tapos pagiging.
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Then doon sa dulo, sa kabila, nandun ka.
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Para sa akin, number one, it's fail forward.
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Make use of your failures as a tool to move you forward, to move you where you want to go.
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Or to move you to a different direction.
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Mind your expectations.
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Madalas kasi it's our expectations that lead to disappointment.
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My best advice would be to take personal responsibility for your life.
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Be responsible for your life to the point that you will refuse to give up because you've taken your life so far.
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Yun yung dahilan bakit ako naka-bounce back even after 20 years of being in a rut.
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I won't be blaming anyone. I won't be blaming my past traumatic experiences.
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Just have that personal belief that if you feel responsible for your life and don't blame anyone else, you will set the world on fire.
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Everyone struggles.
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Yung one chapter na yun could be insignificant in the future to what else, to what bigger things that's in store for you.
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Look at the good things, count the good things, count the bad things.
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Kung mas marami pa rin good things in your life, that means you can still keep going.
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And I'm sure mas marami pa rin good things in your life right now.
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