Can Three Generations of Dads Think The Same? | Filipino | Rec•Create
00:38.4
but I open my eyes to fatherhood that is more attuned to being a good provider
00:45.3
and strict disciplinarian.
00:48.0
Millennial dads, I think, mas open-minded kami compared sa mga previous generations.
00:53.8
Siguro because lumaki tayo sa generation na wala mo ng internet,
00:58.3
and now na tayo yung pioneers ng social media,
01:02.2
we are leaning more towards the gentle or positive parenting.
01:06.6
Actually, sobrang dami ko nakikita yan lalo na sa social media.
01:10.0
Ayaw nilang magkaroon ng family or anak based on their own experiences.
01:14.3
Sobrang mahal magkaroon ng anak, which is totoo.
01:17.2
Hindi ko naman sila masisise.
01:18.6
It's their own opinion and it's their own lives.
01:22.0
So, ayun, they can do whatever they want naman.
01:27.0
Fathers shouldn't..
01:28.3
cry in front of their children.
01:32.2
I disagree. So far, hindi ko pa
01:34.2
nagawa eh. Naungiyak.
01:36.3
Pero abot kayo sa point na yan.
01:38.3
Feeling ko po. For sure.
01:41.9
open-minded ang society,
01:44.8
mas accepted na rin
01:48.8
side mo, yung pinapakita mo.
01:52.2
But you should also show
01:54.0
some emotion. You don't
01:56.1
suppress your emotion.
01:57.1
You should show your
01:59.0
true feelings. If you're disappointed
02:00.8
with something that
02:05.3
I think you should
02:05.9
show what comes out naturally.
02:10.2
stereotype na yung tatay. Dapat
02:14.8
Laging macho na yung palaban.
02:16.8
Medyo toxic yung idea na
02:18.3
isusuppress mo yung emotions mo.
02:21.2
Kasi kailangan mong ipakita sa anak mo
02:22.9
na tough yung tatay mo.
02:24.5
Ako naman based on my experience,
02:28.6
Nakita ko na siya umiyak and
02:29.8
it doesn't make me think of it
02:32.7
or think of him as a
02:34.9
less person, as a
02:38.6
Mas nag-grow yung respect ko sa kanya.
02:40.4
Kasi mas naiintindihan ko yung reasons niya kung bakit
02:42.7
sometimes nagiging emotional,
02:44.9
minsan nagagalit, minsan parang
02:49.2
Tayong mga lalaki, we should
02:50.7
be more expressive
02:52.7
sa nararamdaman natin.
02:54.7
Kasi yung parang sinasabi ng iba na,
02:58.6
dapat di kang umiyak lalaki.
03:00.1
Kalalaki mong tao, may iyak tayong ganun.
03:02.1
But in my experience lang,
03:04.8
there were moments na
03:07.8
to hide my true feeling.
03:11.3
This is on things that I thought na
03:15.2
baka matakot or baka
03:17.2
baka ang mapigilan ko naman
03:19.2
e yung development ng bata.
03:22.5
So aside ko, one very specific example.
03:25.3
When my kid was young,
03:26.9
hindi siya tinuruan lumangoy or anything.
03:30.4
Pero matapang siya, tatalon siya,
03:32.4
magkikliff, dive siya, ganun.
03:34.1
Tapos on her own, nagsusurvive.
03:36.1
Okay, ano yung hindi ko pinakita?
03:38.1
Hindi ko pinakita na takot na takot ako
03:40.1
kasi baka may mangyari.
03:42.1
Rather than ipakita, ipabaya mo lang maglaro,
03:44.6
yun lang, ready ako lagi.
03:46.6
Kunyari kung nasa pool sila,
03:48.6
nasa deep end, lagi ako may hawak
03:52.6
mayroon akong fins sa pako. Kasi kung lumubog,
03:54.6
at least may ability kang
03:56.6
kunin at itaas ulit.
03:58.6
Pero huwag immediately yung sasabihin mo,
04:02.6
Kasi because of your fear.
04:04.6
Kasi kung manging ibabaw yung fear mo,
04:07.6
yun na, yun na yung limits ngayon nung
04:09.6
kayang gawin ng bata.
04:11.6
Wala na experience.
04:12.6
Ganun din sa ibang undertakings.
04:14.6
May mga instances na
04:16.6
you just allow them to
04:18.6
learn the lessons by themselves.
04:20.6
Rather than i-dicta mo yung
04:22.6
kailangan gawin nila. Kasi hindi rin natin alam kung bias lang din yun.
04:24.6
Kailangan gawin nila. Kasi hindi rin natin alam kung bias lang din yun.
04:27.6
Case to case siya.
04:28.6
Saka feeling ko dapat
04:29.6
tayo yung role model nila
04:31.6
on how to control your emotions.
04:33.6
Kasi hindi pwedeng
04:35.6
iyak ka nalang ng iyak or
04:37.6
wala rin emotions at all.
04:39.6
So dapat balance din siya.
04:40.6
Kasi tayo din yung gagayahin nila.
04:43.6
Providing for my family is more important
04:46.6
than my presence at all.
04:52.6
Ako kasi lumaki ako na
04:54.6
wala akong tatay.
04:56.6
50 years kong hindi na-meet yung father ko.
04:58.6
Not until last year.
04:59.6
Nasabi ko sa kanya na napatawad ko na siya.
05:01.6
Yung presence ng tatay
05:04.6
malaki yung impact niya sa
05:09.6
Bilang isang lalaki, syempre.
05:11.6
Sinasabi nila na wala kang father figure.
05:14.6
Paano mo mananavigate yung fatherhood.
05:17.6
So for me, wala man akong role model.
05:21.6
Wala man akong parang blueprint
05:23.6
on how to become the best father in the world.
05:25.6
Pero meron ako nung image
05:27.6
ng isang tatay na absent.
05:29.6
May image ako ng isang tatay na ayokong maging.
05:31.6
And yun yung pinanghahawakan ko
05:33.6
na ayokong gawin sa mga anak ko.
05:36.6
Ang laki ng population
05:38.6
ng mayroong OFW sa family
05:40.6
na absent ang one,
05:42.6
sometimes two parents.
05:44.6
Although kasi may fathers a soldier,
05:47.6
na-assign kung saan saan.
05:49.6
Pero laging present yung mother namin.
05:51.6
And I think that provided the stability
05:56.6
Ang naging fear ko when my child came
05:59.6
is that ang fear ko yung wala siyang parent.
06:03.6
Kahit isa na always present.
06:06.6
Balansyado dapat.
06:08.6
That you have enough to sustain.
06:12.6
And to provide for the things
06:14.6
that we aspire for our children.
06:16.6
Pero yung presence is very, very important.
06:19.6
Maybe much more important than material wealth.
06:22.6
You should raise your children differently
06:25.6
based on their gender.
06:27.6
So, di sa gri lahat.
06:30.6
Ano ba anak mo? Puro babae?
06:32.6
Puro babae lahat. Pero hindi naman sila lalaki.
06:35.6
Hindi dapat sila malimit na pag babae ka,
06:37.6
dapat ganito ka lang.
06:38.6
Doubt my hand, no?
06:39.6
Siguro mayroong portion na pare-pareho.
06:43.6
Kung nangyari in terms of disciplining them,
06:46.6
providing the values that you want them to embrace,
06:51.6
Pero siguro magkakaroon ng konting differences
06:56.6
but maybe not because of gender
07:00.6
but because of their own personal choice.
07:03.6
Kanya rin, the choice of careers,
07:05.6
choice of hobbies.
07:06.6
Hindi mo i-dedictate na,
07:08.6
hindi lahat kayo,
07:09.6
hobby nyo, gardening.
07:11.6
Hindi lahat kayo ganito, hobby.
07:13.6
Pero may mga fundamentals,
07:16.6
mga foundation values and principles
07:22.6
Saka hindi dapat based sa gender.
07:24.6
Based sa needs ng mga bata.
07:26.6
Iba-iba tayo ng needs eh.
07:27.6
Meron kasing akong daughter na mas emotionally matured
07:32.6
Or yung isa naman, mas needy.
07:34.6
So doon ako nagbe-base.
07:37.6
Sa needs nila rather than the gender.
07:39.6
Siguro may part mo na we should base it sa gender.
07:41.6
Kung kari at a really young age,
07:43.6
na tuturuan natin sila ang how to behave
07:46.6
kung may babaeng.
07:47.6
Tuturuan mo silang manamit or how to behave.
07:49.6
Manamit or how to behave as a girl,
07:53.6
Pero siguro sa mga personal choices nila,
07:56.6
we should not limit them based on their gender.
08:00.6
Siguro support, ayun talaga yung kailangan.
08:02.6
And hayaan natin sila maging free of their choices na
08:06.6
dapat ganito ka kasi lalaki ka,
08:08.6
dapat ganito ka kasi babae ka.
08:09.6
Lalo sa generation ko siguro,
08:10.6
yun yung tina-target na ng generation namin ah.
08:13.6
Hindi porket babae, ganito lang.
08:15.6
Hindi porket lalaki, ganito na.
08:16.6
More of ano eh, more of,
08:17.6
kunyari sa kotse.
08:18.6
Bakit yung lalaki panganay ang may sasakyan?
08:22.6
Kasi siya masipag sumanundo,
08:24.6
masipag magtrabaho.
08:26.6
Minamanage lang din eh,
08:27.6
para ang benefit eh sa lahat.
08:30.6
Ako kasi yung panganay sa amin.
08:31.6
Tatlo kami magkakapatid din.
08:34.6
Siguro sa experience ko na yun,
08:36.6
mas naging protective talaga sa babae
08:38.6
compared sa aming lalaki.
08:39.6
Pero in terms of perfume,
08:42.6
hindi naman, masinahanap lang sila
08:44.6
pag wala sila ganun.
08:45.6
Oo kasi ang daming mawawala sa girls eh.
08:47.6
Ang hirap mag-comment alam,
08:49.6
because of the gender issues.
08:51.6
Pero may certain vulnerabilities eh,
08:54.6
kaya na mas protective tayo sa babae.
08:58.6
Naihirapan ka as a father,
09:01.6
especially to a daughter, no?
09:03.6
You stay up late,
09:08.6
na-flat-an yung kotse,
09:09.6
kailangan puntahan,
09:10.6
kasi hindi bro magpalit,
09:12.6
Saka depende rin talaga sa personality.
09:14.6
Kasi may mga babae naman na sobrang,
09:16.6
alam mo yun, parang strong-willed.
09:24.6
Pero may lalaki rin hindi kaya naman.
09:25.6
Yes. Oo. May ganun rin talaga.
09:29.6
As a parent, magiging protective ka rin.
09:32.6
A person's behavior reflects the discipline
09:34.6
they receive from their father.
09:37.6
Disagree pa rin ako sa statement na to.
09:39.6
When it comes to discipline,
09:41.6
hindi lang naman yung father
09:42.6
yung nag-implement ng discipline sa mga anak nila.
09:44.6
Kaya sa amin, magkakapatid si,
09:45.6
si mami talaga yung ano,
09:47.6
taga-disiplina namin.
09:48.6
Kaya taot na taot kami sa kanya.
09:49.6
When it comes to my father naman,
09:51.6
minsan lang siya magalit.
09:52.6
Pero pag nagalit siya, parang,
09:53.6
wala nang, wala nang, wala nang iimik.
09:56.6
Siguro pag bata pa,
09:57.6
magre-reflect yung behavior ng bata
09:59.6
based on the discipline na
10:00.6
ini-implement ng parents nila.
10:02.6
Pero once they grow up,
10:04.6
own actions na nila kasi yun.
10:06.6
Sa akin naman po,
10:07.6
coming from the point of view
10:09.6
ng isang bata na lumaki na walang ama,
10:12.6
I think hindi naman na-affect nila.
10:15.6
Pagkatotohan drastically yung behavior ko.
10:18.6
Although may mga, ano tayo, ano,
10:21.6
hint na pwede tayong maging rebellious.
10:24.6
Pero yung mother ko kasi
10:26.6
is more than enough na eh.
10:27.6
Parang for me, yung,
10:29.6
yung kahit single mom siya,
10:31.6
nadisiplina niya ako ng maayos.
10:34.6
na lagi ako nananalong most behaved.
10:37.6
So wala naman siguro ganun ka-impact.
10:39.6
Ngayon, bilang tatay ako,
10:43.6
yung pagdidisiplina ko sa anak ko.
10:45.6
Sa behavior nila.
10:46.6
Pero hindi yun yung 100%
10:48.6
ng behavior nila.
10:49.6
Kasi marami ng external factors din eh.
10:51.6
May mga friends din sila,
10:54.6
and yung mga nagiging,
10:56.6
napipili nilang hobbies din.
10:57.6
Na-affectuhan yung behavior nila
11:01.6
Yung discipline will come from
11:05.6
The other is respect.
11:06.6
Fear works when you're around.
11:08.6
But they say it's better if
11:12.6
true cause of discipline of your children.
11:15.6
When they were young,
11:16.6
they were stronger, di ba?
11:18.6
Ikaw yung may hawak ng purse.
11:20.6
Kaya may fear, di ba?
11:22.6
Ako, pag nagalit si tatay,
11:23.6
hindi ako bibila ng sapatos, di ba?
11:26.6
Ilan taon na ba yung anak mo?
11:27.6
Eldest, mag-eleven na.
11:29.6
Sabi mo, ikaw yung nagturong
11:31.6
maging mahilig sa libro, di ba?
11:34.6
Pero paminsan-minsan,
11:35.6
makakareceive yan ng libro
11:37.6
sa masambahe, sa nanay,
11:39.6
o sa mga kaibigan,
11:40.6
o sa mga tito-tita.
11:41.6
Di ba tinitignan mo pa rin
11:43.6
kung ano yung laman ng libro?
11:45.6
Ako rin, pati yung kung ano
11:46.6
yung pinupunta niya.
11:47.6
Kaya nga napanood ko sila
11:49.6
Kasi gusto ko makita kung
11:50.6
ano bang sinasabi ni Miley Cyrus
11:52.6
pag nagko-concert siya.
11:54.6
Mas mataas o mas effective na
11:56.6
bigyan mo ng values yung bata.
11:58.6
Para kahit di ka nakabantay,
12:00.6
based on the values that you have
12:02.6
inculcated rather than the fear
12:04.6
that you have imposed.
12:05.6
If my children fail in any way,
12:08.6
that means I failed.
12:10.6
Siguro if I fail to back him up
12:15.6
or para mag-try ulit,
12:16.6
that will be the only time
12:17.6
na magfe-fail ako.
12:19.6
failure doesn't mean na tapos na.
12:21.6
So, you just have to continue
12:24.6
It's very important din na
12:25.6
maranasan ng mga bata
12:27.6
yung failure at some point.
12:29.6
Kasi kung puro ako,
12:30.6
puro accomplishment,
12:31.6
kung puro success,
12:32.6
parang di na tayo kailangan.
12:36.6
Binabasa ko ulit, eh.
12:37.6
Para kasi may different interpretation.
12:39.6
So, maglagay tayo ng analogy
12:43.6
if yung anak mo ay naging kriminal,
12:48.6
nag-fail ka ba bilang isang ama?
12:52.6
Depende kung gano'y saka tinding kriminal.
12:54.6
Ano klaseng krimen ba yung ginaw?
12:57.6
Kasi kung magaling siya,
12:59.6
maging proud tayo kasi.
13:02.6
Kung malaking kita,
13:03.6
salin naman ako dyan.
13:05.6
Lumaki siya sa farm,
13:06.6
pero magka-helicopter.
13:08.6
Your Honor, wala na po ako dyan.
13:11.6
Pero worst case mo,
13:13.6
worst case nga na
13:14.6
maging gano'n yung
13:19.6
Kasi ayaw mo maging kriminal yung
13:21.6
kahit sino sa paligid mo.
13:24.6
Kahit na siguro friends natin,
13:25.6
ayaw natin maging kriminal.
13:27.6
Pag anak mo talaga.
13:35.6
Paano ko ba naging kabarkada yan?
13:39.6
Kasi importante nga,
13:40.6
again, babalik ko yung
13:42.6
Kaya tayo magkaibigan.
13:44.6
Lalo ng pamilya mo,
13:46.6
Tinitignan mo kung ano yung
13:47.6
nagpuprovide ng influence sa growth
13:49.6
and development ng anak mo.
13:51.6
Pag nakita mong toxic yan,
13:54.6
ayaw mo siyang...
13:55.6
Kaya dapat active ka.
13:56.6
Kung represent ka sa life mo.
13:58.6
Failure as a parent yun.
14:00.6
oo, dapat nag-provide ka ng gandong
14:03.6
tapos di mo ginawa.
14:11.6
I feel pressured to be the man of the house.
14:17.6
I'm new to fatherhood din talaga.
14:19.6
Since one year pa nga lang yung anak namin.
14:22.6
So, there's a lot of pressure na
14:25.6
na-encounter ko ngayon since
14:28.6
yun nga, graduating ako.
14:29.6
So, student, very
14:32.6
minimize yung chance ko na magkaroon ng
14:35.6
Nung pregnancy naman ng partner ko,
14:38.6
Kahit student ako.
14:39.6
Nag-BPO ako, nag-call center ako.
14:40.6
Siguro mga 3 months si baby.
14:41.6
Nag-resign na ako.
14:42.6
Nag-anap ako ng sideline.
14:44.6
Nag-motorcycle, taxi rider ako.
14:47.6
Pero ngayon kasi parang gusto kong
14:49.6
mag-focus sa pag-aral para matapos na.
14:52.6
Para mas mapag-focus ako sa working sa family.
14:54.6
And right now, napakalaki ng pressure na
14:56.6
nafe-feel ko din na minsan sinasarili,
15:00.6
which is a bad thing nga,
15:01.6
na we should be heard nga minsan.
15:03.6
Tama pa ba itong ano?
15:05.6
Journey na tinataka ko parang
15:07.6
magiging beneficial ba ito sa kanila?
15:12.6
parang magtrabaho na lang kaya ko ngayon.
15:14.6
Parang stop muna sa pag-aral.
15:16.6
Pero sayang din kasi.
15:18.6
Ang daming thoughts din talaga na pumapasok sa isip
15:21.6
as the man of the house.
15:23.6
Ready naman ako dito pero
15:24.6
di ko naman naisip na
15:26.6
I was not fully prepared to be the man of the house.
15:30.6
So yung pressure talaga minsan nangingibabaw.
15:34.6
Pero all in all, tuloy lang talaga.
15:38.6
lahat naman ng roles,
15:40.6
meron naman talagang pressure.
15:43.6
parang medyo kinakabahan ako.
15:45.6
Kaya ko ba talaga?
15:46.6
Kasi bata pa ako nun.
15:49.6
Tapos meron nang isang tao
15:52.6
na dependent sa decisions ko sa buhay.
15:56.6
since sobrang perfect nung routine
15:59.6
and yung give and take namin ng wife ko,
16:02.6
yung pressure na bumababa siya eh.
16:04.6
So it's important din talaga na mahanap mo
16:06.6
yung right partner for you.
16:07.6
Yung mga katakot-takot na mga struggles,
16:10.6
let's say financial,
16:13.6
and mental health mo,
16:15.6
sobrang bigat na mga dami mong dalabit,
16:18.6
Pero yung wife mo na nandyan
16:20.6
to support you and help you,
16:23.6
sobrang laking alwan sa lahat ng weight na bitbit ko.
16:28.6
Agree ako dito na may pressure kasi it will help you.
16:31.6
It will help you improve.
16:32.6
Dahil feeling mo hindi ka enough,
16:35.6
or you'll try to be better.
16:36.6
Or nide-develop mo yung sarili mo pa.
16:39.6
So okay lang may pressure,
16:40.6
basta huwag too much.
16:41.6
You are able to protect your children
16:43.6
from the ills of this world.
16:46.6
Lagi nasa tatay yun.
16:48.6
Ako, yun yung pressure eh.
16:51.6
Hindi yung, yun ba ibig sabihin ng man of the house?
16:56.6
Yun, yun yung heavier na burden.
16:58.6
Protecting your children.
17:01.6
Being a father is not as easy as anyone can think.
17:04.6
There are times din talaga na
17:06.6
nahihirapan din talaga yung father.
17:09.6
And ayun yung gusto kong parang
17:12.6
maintindihan ng iba.
17:14.6
Marami kang iisipin bilang tatay.
17:16.6
Baka may kulang pa akong ginagawa.
17:18.6
Baka hindi pa sapat.
17:20.6
Bakit ganito lang.
17:21.6
So I need to work really hard to improve myself
17:25.6
or my family, ganun.
17:26.6
So all in all, what I'm trying to say is
17:29.6
hindi rin madaling maging tatay.
17:32.6
Worth it, syempre.
17:34.6
Let's give them a hand.
17:36.6
Thank you guys so much.
